So it seems that several of my friends think that what I need is to get fucked.
They think I need to find a good looking random stranger and work out my problems on his body.
But what I can’t get them to understand is that I already had that.
I’ve been fucked by a stranger for the past six years.
It has left me empty, self conscious, vulnerable and questioning everything I once knew.
That last thing I want now is another stranger entering me only to take another part of me away.
When The Vows Break 
I think your friends are wrong!That’s rebound whether it’s just one night or turns into something else. YOU DON’T NEED anything like that right now. It won’t take it away. I guarentee you. However, it might be some of the best sex in your life. It won’t be just for sex though. It will and it won’t be if that makes sense. Take this time for yourself. I am not telling you what you should do but I am going to tell you what I did. I have stayed single. Did I go out on dates did I go get laid; yes I did. My husband had an affair on me. He left me for the woman he was having an affair with. They are still together two years later (and we are still married). I am an analyzer that’s me so one night I was thinking why the hell am I doing this? I was doing it like a competition. oh yeah you went out and got someone..so can I? I have always been independent. I had been married for over 13 years and guess what? I loved being a wife. I loved being his wife. Problems yes we had problems. It wasn’t that he was so great that I couldn’t find anyone else (I found men who were a whole lot better than my husband ever was), I just don’t need it or even want it. That’s not to say it won’t ever happen, I am just at a point where the person is going to have to be amazing for me to give up what I have now. That’s not even to say i won’t go out on dates.
There is a process when a relationship ends. Having lost a mother then 4 years later losing a husband,I will tell you the process is the exact same when you lose a loved one in death as you lose a relationship in death. YOU NEED TO ALLOW yourself to do that. You also need to take the time to be you. Whether it’s learning who YOU ARE as a person, rediscovering that person or finally understanding that person. All of those three are different.
You won’t find that through someone else. You’re not going to find that through just a fuck. You are still going to feel the same before the fuck as you did after. Close this chapter in your life before starting a new one. I think about the past two years I have chosen to stay single and I would not have learned the things I have learned by being in another relationship, or even dating. Did I learn some things by dating? Yes I sure did. on the just a fuck? I texted a friend and said “for all the porns he watched all those years, he sure as hell didn’t learn anything.” While it too was a lesson; I still felt the same way I did before. That doesn’t take anything away.
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. I hear you loud and clear. And I agree. Through this whole thing I have stayed true to myself and I don’t plan on changing that anytime soon.