All Cried Out

I have cried everyday for 8 months.  Everywhere. At any given time

Some days more than others.  But everyday none the less.

Walking down the aisle at the grocery store is always a minefield.

He was my family.  He was my home. He was my safe place.

He took everything away.

And never looked back.  Never looked back.

He left me drifting.  Lost and alone on my sea of tears.

I’ve gone to therapy, talked with counselors, chatted with a priest and called my friends at all hours of the night.

I’ve done yoga, gone paddle boarding, power walked and eaten entire bags of peanut MnM’s, multiple times.

I’ve meditated, gotten massages and have been hypnotized.

I’ve taken sleeping, anxiety and happy pills.

I’ve read books on divorce, lost love, self help, survival stories and grief.

I’ve watched hours of movies, TV shows and online mind mushing crap.

I’ve cleaned, reorganized, and purged the refrigerator, my closet and the bathroom.

I’m screamed into pillows, sang sad love songs and danced till I couldn’t breath.

I’ve blogged.

He’s gone out on dates with multiple women.

Then today, I wanted to cry but no tears came.

I felt like I was going to cry… the emotion was there like a blanket all around me..but my eyes remained dry.

Was it possible I was all cried out?

A few hours later, cleaning off my desk, at the bottom of a stack of papers I had set aside a year ago, I came across a random photo of him.

And…. then they reappeared.

Hello old friends.

I thought you too had abandoned me.